Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of I Thrive at Life with Rick and Teresa Starr.
Today, we're going to tackle a topic that's both universal and often misunderstood. The inner critic. You know, that little voice in your head that likes to point out everything you're doing wrong, usually at the worst possible times.
And that inner critical voice can be relentless. It's like having an uninvited guest at a party who won't stop criticizing your music, your food, and even your dance moves. The good news is we're not stuck with that harsh inner critic. Today we're going to explore how to mindfully notice, name, tame, and even navigate that voice towards greater self compassion and kindness.
Plus we'll share some research backed strategies and a few laughs along the way, at least we hope so.
What is the Inner Critic?
So let's start by understanding what this inner critic really is. The inner critic is that voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough, you're not smart enough. and you're not successful enough.
It's like having an overly critical elementary school teacher who's impossible to please, only this one lives in your head and never lets you have recess.
The inner critic usually develops as a way to protect us from failure, rejection, or disappointment. It's kind of like your brain's misguided attempt to keep you safe.
But instead of keeping you safe, it often just makes you miserable, leading you to feelings of inadequacy and even anxiety or depression. We've all been there, don't you think?
And research shows that people who are highly self critical are more likely to experience mental health challenges like depression and anxiety.
According to Dr. Kristen Neff, a leading researcher in self compassion, this inner critic is a learned response that can actually be unlearned. That's what we're going to dive into today. How to reprogram that voice towards something more supportive and kind.
Noticing the Inner Critic
So let's start with noticing the inner critic.
The first step is simply becoming aware of when and how that inner critical voice shows up. You know, it often pops up in situations where you feel vulnerable or uncertain, like before a big presentation, at work, or even at school. And when you're trying something new, or even when you've made a mistake, it's really relentless when you've made a mistake. It keeps telling you over and over again about the mistake you made.
Here's a relatable scenario. You're about to give a presentation at work, and just before you start, that little inner critic chimes in with, you're going to mess this up. Everyone will see that you're not really qualified for this job. It's like having your own personal heckler.
The key here is to mindfully notice when that inner critical voice shows up. Instead of getting caught up in its negativity, try to observe it as if you're an impartial bystander. You might say things like, aha, there's that inner critical voice again.
It always shows up when I'm about to do something important. So, for the next week, try to notice your inner critical voice. When does it show up? What does it say? You might even keep a journal and jot down the situations that trigger it, along with what it says. This is going to help you become more aware of its patterns and triggers and how it affects you.
Naming your Inner Critic
Once you've noticed the inner critic, here's the next step. That is to name it. And yes, we literally mean to give it a name. Naming your inner critic can help you create some distance between yourself and that negative voice.
For example, you could name your inner critic something silly like Grumpy Gus or Negative Nancy. The idea is to make the critic seem less intimidating and more like a character who isn't actually in charge of you.
Here's a fun story. A friend of mine named his inner critic Old Man Grumbles. And whenever he hears the negative voice, he just says, Oh, it's just that old man grumbles again. Thanks for your input, but I've got this covered. It adds a bit of humor and lightness to the situation, which can really take the sting out of those harsh comments coming from your inner critic.
For sure, and I had a client once who named her inner critic Negative Nellie. And she had had a Negative Nellie bus driver that, as a kid, they actually called her Negative Nellie. And so whenever that inner critic came on, she'd say, Negative Nellie, I hear you, and it's time to get off the bus.
So here's an activity. Take a moment to think of a name for your inner critic. Make it something that makes you laugh or smile. The next time you hear that inner critical voice, address it by name. "Hey, Negative Nelly, Hey, Grumpy Gus. I notice you. I hear you."
Taming Your Inner Critic
Now that you've noticed it, And you've named your inner critic. Let's talk about taming it. Now, this isn't about silencing the voice completely. You don't want to silence it because after all it is a part of you and its motive is to keep you safe.
That's where the inner critic originated from, right? It just goes overboard sometimes. So you do want to notice it and name it and then turn down the volume. Make it less of a dominant force in your life. Think to yourself something like: "Okay. I hear you. And I think I'm doing just fine. Thank you very much."
One way to do this is by responding to your inner critic with actually self compassion. When the critic says you're such a failure, you can respond by saying, "actually, I'm doing my best, and that's enough." This isn't about being delusional. It's about being kind to yourself.
And I think it is okay to bring up to your inner critic, "hey, you know what? I'm doing my best. Okay, maybe I messed up on this one, but I've also had some successes."
And I really like to give our inner critic some evidence of success because our inner critic tends to have a really strong negativity bias. So we can help that inner critic and just tame it a little bit by reminding it that we have been successful. Think, "maybe today's not my best day, but I've had some really good days in the past. So, calm down, inner critic. Take a back seat. Get off the bus."
So here's another scenario. You've just made a mistake at work, and your inner critic is going full throttle, saying, "You are such an idiot. How could you mess up like this?" Well, instead of agreeing with it, which we usually tend to do, right? Instead of doing that, say, "Okay, so I made a mistake, but that doesn't define me. I'm learning, and I'm growing, And it's okay to make mistakes. I'm human. I'm gonna keep trying."
Here's another activity. The next time your inner critic starts up, try responding to it with a self compassionate statement. You can even write down a few go to phrases like, "I'm doing my best, or it's okay to make mistakes." Practice these responses until they become a natural way to counter that inner critic's harshness. The final step is to navigate and reprogram that inner critic. This involves transforming that voice from a harsh critic into a supportive coach.
Instead of tearing you down, it can actually help you stay motivated and resilient.
One powerful way to do this is through cognitive restructuring, which is just a fancy way of saying changing your thoughts. When you notice a negative thought from your inner critic, ask yourself, Is this really true? Is there another way to look at this? Or, what else might be true?
For example, let's say your inner critic says, "You're never going to succeed at this." You might re-frame that thought to, "success takes time, and I'm learning every day. I might not be there yet, but I'm on my way." It's about finding a more balanced and encouraging perspective.
Research shows that cognitive restructuring can significantly reduce anxiety and depression, and it can increase your overall well being. It's just like reprogramming your brain to be your biggest ally instead of your worst enemy. And that's what neuroplasticity is all about, just rewiring our brain to serve us better.
So here's an activity. Practice cognitive restructuring by writing down some of the most common negative thoughts your inner critic throws at you. And the next time each one, or any one of those, come up you're going to speak to it with a more balanced and positive thought. Over time, this practice can help you shift your mindset and make self kindness your default mold, instead of that inner critic. You want the default to be kindness and compassion.
Conclusion
So there you have it. How to notice, name, tame, and navigate your inner critic. Remember the goal isn't to get rid of that voice completely, but to transform it into something more helpful and kind. Turn it into a kind and compassionate coach.
We hope you found these insights and stories and activities helpful. The next time your inner critic starts up, you'll be ready to meet it with mindfulness, humor, and compassion. After all, life is too short to get grumpy Gus or negative Nellie in your head, right? It's time to change the message of our inner critic to have it be more positive, right?
Thanks so much for joining us on this episode of I Thrive at Life. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with someone who could use a little help taming their inner critic, which is probably everyone. So until next time, keep thriving, keep smiling and remember. You've got this.
Have a great day.
